“At Least It Was Early”: Why This Pregnancy Loss Myth Hurts and What Science Really Says

The Myth: “At Least It Was Early”

If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, chances are you’ve heard this phrase. It’s often said with good intentions, but often it really doesn’t land well.

The implication is that an early miscarriage somehow “shouldn’t hurt as much.” But grief doesn’t measure weeks. And your body, mind, and heart don’t either.

Why Early Loss Still Hurts Deeply

The truth is: from the moment someone discovers they are pregnant, the brain begins to form attachment.

- Names are imagined

- Dreams are made

- Futures are woven into possibility

When that pregnancy ends — no matter how early — the nervous system registers loss. Biologically, it responds with the same hallmarks of trauma: shock, numbness, sadness, anxiety, and in many cases, symptoms of PTSD.

The Science: Miscarriage and PTSD

A 2019 study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology (Farren et al.) revealed:

* 38% of participants experienced PTSD symptoms just one month after early pregnancy loss.


* There was no correlation between gestational age and emotional impact.


This means whether the loss occurred at 6 weeks or 16 weeks, the potential for deep psychological impact remains the same.

So no, it wasn’t “just early.” It was real, and we’re grieving, and it matters.

The Nervous System and Grief

From a nervous system perspective, pregnancy loss is experienced as trauma. Elevated cortisol and disrupted safety signals can leave you feeling:

* Emotionally disconnected


* Hypervigilant or anxious


* Tired but unable to rest


* Overwhelmed by waves of sadness


These are not signs of overreaction. They are normal human responses to profound loss.

Why Words Matter

Phrases like “at least it was early” may be meant to comfort, but they minimize grief and create silence around an already isolating experience.

Your loss deserves acknowledgment, not comparison, not dismissal.

💛 If you’ve ever had your experience minimized, know this: your grief is valid, at any stage.

Gentle Support for Healing

To support those navigating loss, I’ve created a free, trauma-informed audio practice:

-A breath and grounding meditation to calm the nervous system


-A tool for returning gently to your body after waves of grief

Remember

Pregnancy loss is never “just” anything — not “just early,” not “just one.” If you’re grieving, your pain is real. Your body knows it, your nervous system feels it, and research confirms it.

You don’t have to shrink your sorrow to make others comfortable.
You don’t have to justify your grief.
And you don’t have to walk this alone.