Reframing The Culture Clash

Reframing The Culture Clash

I’ve written about it before,

we all witness differences in our own

individual cultures

compared with the cultures of those around us.

So I bring you:

Reframing The Culture Clash

Sometimes those differences are starkly apparent.

Like the times you know your name is coming up in the school register/roll call and the teacher stops because s/he doesn’t want to pronounce your name wrong but also doesn’t attempt it.
The fact you’re so used to the above that your family/you have come up with a nickname because it’s just ‘easier’
Like those times I’d hide my yellow turmeric-stained nails at school from eating curry with my hands at the family function at the weekend.
Like those times your friends would come round and comment on the amount of PLASTIC covering every possible surface: chair covers, tv screen, the REMOTE!
Like the interesting explanations you’d come up with for having a bucket and plastic ‘mog’ READ: ‘mug’ for hygienic washing in the bathroom.
Like the times you weren’t allowed to the parties/holidays your friends were
The expectation and knowledge that familial duties trump every other imaginable social commitment you may have.
Or the belief that an ‘elder’s opinion’ holds more weight and truth than one’s own.
Like when my mum and my grandma insisted on providing me with food every single time they saw me even after my initial student days & despite being able to cook for myself.

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These are just a few instances and examples of the beliefs I have been conditioned to accept as I’ve grown up.

Yours may slightly differ but these instances, to me are classed under the

‘culture clash’.

But Recently

I’ve wanted to take a more empowered approach.

I’ve become much more aware of the everyday language I use

not just to others

but

also to my self.

An intention with a certain vibrational energy,
in my mind, carries with it a certain level of power.

Think of those affirmations and the pep-talks athletes do

before and during a high intensity match.

The mindset we adopt and the words we speak carry power.  

Clash
noun
a violent confrontation.
verb

Meet and come into violent conflict

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For me, clash is associated with conflict and though ‘conflict’ is merely defined as a difference of opinion

(something which is inevitable in life on earth as we know it)

Clash makes it seem that two cultures cannot exist in synergy with each other.

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This concept as both a British-born Indian Bengali female

but more as a human,

is something that I would like to challenge.

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I do believe there is a way of celebrating differences, not just tolerating them.

For this reason, I’ve decided to reframe these cultural differences

as opportunities to fuse the aspects together

to create a vibrant tapestry of tradition.

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Cultural Clash – Before

I used to think it meant splitting my life down the middle

Flitting between

Do I feel more Indian or British?

There would be a time when I have felt as though I was living two separate lives (Poorna Bell very accurately describes it as being a Double Agent in her extremely accurate and poignant article here.)

But who understands these experiences?

It’s fair to say, the people that could relate to these challenges the most were the friends that were going through the same thing.

‘The Ones That Are’

Friends going through the same thing –

Understand through shared experience; understanding that comes from being in exactly the same position
and therefore comfortingly, there is no explanation needed
there are no false expectations
there is the knowing that when family duty calls, no questions are asked.
It is just given, an unsaid rule that everyone respects.

But that didn’t mean that friends who weren’t experiencing these particular challenges couldn’t offer insight – in fact theirs were also helpful.

The ones that aren’t

Are friends who -

understand through observation and compassion.
the reasons why you were trained to stay out of the sun for too long whilst your friends would do the opposite.
Need explanations for
why certain chunks of your calendar has already been block-booked for:
‘family events’, family weddings, family gatherings, ‘family holidays, yes…still’ religious festivals and holidays
or
why you’re not eating particular foods on nonsensical days

The Others & their offspring

the ones from the elder generation & the original culture

some are more open and liberal than others
some feel that ‘we’ the ones living the double agent lives are a bad influence on their ‘pure’ ‘original cultured’ offspring.

Their offspring

(1)

the ones that are on board with you, that see you as equal, as it should be.
the ones that you can share the similarities and differences of growing up of S Asan descent, regardless of geography

Their offspring

(2)

the ones that are wanting a slice of Western pie but in doing so, take it to an extreme
wanting ‘to dress like you do in the ‘west’ results in things your own mother would never let you out of the house in & yet you get the blame by your relatives for being such a ‘bad western influence’.
the ones that think that because you’re in the West, your life resembles an mixture of extreme alcoholic promiscuity when the reality is, your alcohol consumption is non-existent compared to certain others trying to prove to you just how ‘globalised’ they are…

As an introverted child spending all her summers in India,

The number of perspectives and attitudes to keep track of seemed overwhelming.

As I grew older, I realised that it was just a microcosm of the world in general.

There are too many different perspectives to keep track of.

And most probably there will always be people who have the wrong impression of you.

But at the time, to a hyper sensitive child I used to wonder:

How does anyone navigate this path?!

When each step seems like treading on a live wire; each venture about to set off an electric shock and a multitude of emotional explosions?!!

There seemed no real way to be – without offending someone or not fitting in?

The Double Agent Life

I’d been working on this post when last week I stumbled upon Poorna Bell’s article, which really resonated with me.

Poorna talks about the fact that as British Born S. Asians, we

weren’t raised to celebrate both cultures.

On one level our parents/grandparents were themselves coming into a foreign culture; they themselves were learning from a different starting point.

Our experiences as second/third generation S Asians – BIB in my case (British, Indian, Bengali in my case)

Are the same as anyone else’s:

We are ALL unique in our experiences.

There was no one to teach us otherwise and therefore the default became to starkly recognise the disparity between ourselves and our peers.

We British Asians didn’t have very many individuals to mirror ourselves with, at least I didn’t.

In essence, we were the ones fumbling around, making do with these opposing cultural and societal expectations.

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The Weight of Culture Expectation

It may seem dramatic to the ‘ones that aren’t’

But for many of us that grow up entrenched in cultural expectation

I’ve often had the feeling that it was as if I was standing at a crossroads with different paths in front of me.

With all the differing cultural expectation, I became adept at predicting different versions of my future.

I could imagine that by deciding one choice here, how it would affect my future path ahead.

What ‘The ones that aren’t’ and ‘the others’ may or may not be aware of is that ‘the ones that are’ [experiencing these cultural expectations]

are also dictated by said expectations in the choices we make in terms of:

career

life partner

our attitudes

& our everyday lives.

Much like ‘The ones that aren’t’ and ‘the others’ –

every person operates based on one’s own individual

conditioned beliefs and expectations.

This basis is the same though

the manifestation may be different.

It also means that:

Each Group That We Encounter Has A Unique Value

‘The ones that are’

‘The ones that aren’t’

‘The others & their offspring’

There is a role for every person that walks through your life,

however fleeting.

Without ‘the ones that are’, I’d feel alone in my path.

Without ‘the ones that aren’t’,

I’d blindly be following dogma, without question.

Without ‘the others & their offspring’,

I wouldn’t have identified my non-negotiable values

compared with the areas that are more open for debate.

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Take this one as an example.

‘your elders should never be argued with’

Subtext:

Their life experience, age or perspective is far more superior than yours. Therefore you must follow their advice when it comes to career, a relationship or life.

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Without questioning a belief

How does one challenge and transcend a limiting statement?

Age does not denote one’s connection to their inner being.

Often, it is one’s own projection of dreams unfilled that form a story you may be born into and subconsciously live out into your own life.

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Without a certain level of awareness that may have come from:

The ones that are

The ones that aren’t

The others & their offspring

or one’s own evolvement

this belief may remain unchallenged, for fear of

not being accepted

not being loved

not being approved of.

But this is where we get to stop writing one story,

P R E S S P A U S E

…and type out another.

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We get to

form a new belief

one where the clash does not exist.

One where

there is creation of a new fusion,

one where one is able to transcend

from what has been dogma

to

your own unique belief

that comes from a new level of consciousness.

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No one person, nor culture, nor society

is able to dictate

or impose rules onto one

who is able to tap into their own intuition.

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And when we do so, we transcend.

We build our communities entwined with diversity.

Where two cultures are able to synergise – aspects of both exist harmoniously.

Again, this level of fusion may indeed depend on each individual’s level of consciousness.

But this is the beauty of a rich and diverse world that is continuing to evolve.

Continuing to evolve and question

what the fundamental truth is at its core,

ask whether it resonates

and ring true for how we perceive the world.

And though I do believe in treating elders with respect,

in my eyes it is the same level of respect we treat anyone else.

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Like I’ve said before –

None of us truly know the way in which life will unfold.

We’re all just doing the best we can, given our own resources and level of awareness.

The truth is, every single person is experiencing life differently given their own filters, personal stories and beliefs.

Where To Next?

Must We Be Split Down The Middle?

Culture clash?

No.

I want to leave that story behind.

I cherish my Indian heritage for more than the food and the fashion.

It explains my deep rooted love for spirituality gained from my ancestors

and makes me want to delve in further and further

to uncover these spiritual truths that to me sum up the epitome and essence of life.

Home

For me

This is my cultural fusion.

Home is not dictated by geography

There is a sense of ‘home’ every time I step into India

There is a sense of ‘home’ when I relish everything about being British: the weather, the undeniable joy & hope we have for EVERY world cup

Home is where you are at one with all.

From now on in

I choose to raise my awareness

To the stories being told around me

I choose to be aware of the perspectives

I choose to respect the differing attitudes

And I choose to see the combination

not as culture clashes

But as

Culture fusions.

For me, culture clash stops here.

The Now & Beyond

Being a whole lot more comfortable with experience, time and age,

I know that I have full control over how I choose to carry myself.

Either:

Proudly with a fusion
Still worried about my yellow stained nails after eating curry with family functions at the weekend, frustrated at the culture clash.

And this,

I hope to impart on my own future children

Whatever fusion of cultures they’re born into.

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By living in your own authentic light –

Embracing every facet of oneself

Is to show and give permission for others to do the same.

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Until the next time,

Namaste from Ananya

Xo

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