Chai & Chats with Jasvinder Sanghera CBE
It's been a while since I've shared an inspiring interview with you.
But first,
how can we ever forget the heartbreaking story of Shafilea Ahmed?
[Photo Credit: Karma Nirvana]
Honour killing, sadly, has been featured in the news too often recently.
Karma Nirvana (KM) is an organisation that supports victims and survivors of Forced Marriage and Honour Based Abuse. Jasvinder Sanghera CBE, its founder and a survivor herself, created the charity in the hope of supporting a network for other victims like her. She wanted to address the huge language and cultural barriers these individuals faced by providing an informal and supportive service.
[Photo Credit: Karma Nirvana]
Jasvinder's work has proved essential in the creation of a specific UK forced marriage criminal offence in 2014 and she has received numerous awards including: Woman Of The Year (2007), The Pride of Britain Award (2009) and listed in the Guardian top 100 Most Inspirational Women in the World. She was awarded Commander of the British Empire in 2013 in recognition of her outstanding contribution for the victims of forced marriage and honour based abuse and in 2014 was awarded Legal Campaigner of the Year.
It is a pleasure to bring to you:
Chai & Chats with Jasvinder Sanghera CBE
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NFA: What were the events that led to you founding Karma Nirvana?
JS: My sister Robina sadly took her own life in her early twenties by setting herself on fire. This was to be the catalyst that led me to breaking my own silence and hers and Karma Nirvana was born. I always believed there were many more young people out there just like me and overtime as I shared my story and we campaigned for greater changes sure enough what we knew to be true was clearly the truths of many. These abuses were happening across the UK in their thousands and the most likely affected group were young people aged between 12-19 years old and sadly this remains the case today.
NFA: Often, the term forced and arranged marriage gets confused. How would you define the difference?
JS: "There is no consent in a forced marriage so cannot be an arranged marriage."
NFA: On a daily basis, how many phone calls do you receive?
JS: In 2008 Karma Nirvana launched a national helpline which to date has received 44,000 calls for service, receiving 8, 268 calls in 2014 an increase of 27% compared to 2013 and 392 related to cases under 17 as young as 10 years old. The governments Forced Marriage Unit gave support to 1,267 cases in 2014 of which 11% were under the age of 16. Another 11% were aged 16-17 years old and 17% aged 18-21 but the youngest recorded case was a two-year-old deemed at risk of a forced marriage. Nationally we acknowledge that the statistics remain under-reported as our victims are extremely isolated with multiply perpetrators who are meant to love them the most their family.
NFA: Am I right in assuming the vast majority of callers are female or do you receive calls from males as well?
JS:The cases we deal with affect both boys and girls, however females can differ in experience. Often it is girls who shoulder a greater responsibility to codes of honour which can be a challenge in adolescence.
If we consider the case of Shafilea Ahmed born in Britain, a bright young girl with the ambition to be a barrister. Her life of wishing to be just like her friends who had a life that embraced everything that Britain stands for being independence, rights and freedoms was met with anger by her family who deemed such behaviour to be shameful.
Shafilea reported to several agencies, was taken abroad under the guise of a holiday to Pakistan and when she arrived it was clear that she was to be forced to marry. Both Shafilea’s parents were convicted in 2012 for her murder at the age of 17, she had been suffocated to death in the presence of all her siblings.
Her crime?
Wishing to live a life in Britain of a normal teenager who had ambition, drive and determination to want more than to be married to a stranger.
NFA: Often the victims of such marriage and honour abuse feel as though they cannot speak up against their parents or family members, even when the evidence is clear, giving the answer:
‘but I love them’.
What would you say to victims that feel too scared to speak out against their abusers for this very reason?
JS: A forced marriage means marrying a stranger/marrying without consent.
Since you did not agree in the first place it means being raped on your wedding night and often you can be tricked into being taken abroad and stranded there until you agree to the marriage.
Then victims can be left there until it is time to come back to the UK and sponsor the person to Britain who you will have to live with as a means to secure a visa. The list goes on and the point is that you are locked into a marriage and once it happens it becomes harder to leave and the legacy of abuse continues.
We at Karma Nirvana wish to prevent this from happening in the first place, remember that you are never alone and it is your right not to be forced to marry.
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'If it was a British white woman it was happening to, they wouldn’t bother with the word ‘culture’ - they would just say ‘abuse’'
- Emily Dugan for the Independent
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NFA: So many people agree that honour abuse is just unacceptable yet we live in a society where we’re (sometimes) overly cautious of being politically correct to the point where I can see a lot of people falling into the category of:
‘I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to offend the culture’.
And what more can we, the general public do to spot and prevent these sorts of abuse and killings taking place?
JS: Karma Nirvana are committed to ensuring that such young people know there rights and understand that there exists a range of support services which means no one should ever have to go through a forced marriage. The schools project is creating awareness in schools and has resulted in an increase in reporting from young people.
We have a slide which states ‘be a great mate’ urging friends to get information to pass onto mates they suspect may be affected or to allow them to use their mobile phone to call the helpline or for a friend to call Karma Nirvana for information.
"The point is that these issues are happening in our society and we should all make it our business to stop forced marriages by being part of the solution and help reach young people."
NFA: Where can we find more information about Karma Nirvana? And how can people get involved with your important cause?
JS: Karma Nirvana offer a confidential service on the helpline so if you or anyone else wants to talk things through then please pick up the phone and call 0800 5 999 247 and visit our website www.karmanirvana.org.uk, please start talking about these issues through our and your social networks.
Whenever you talk about these issues you are breaking someone else’s silence and freeing another person from being chained in a forced marriage.
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Below is an extract of Jasvinder's personal memoir, her bestselling book: Shame
"Karma Nirvana is today a national charity founded in 1993 as a result of my personal experiences which I wish to share with you. I was born in Britain, went to a British school, I am one of 7 sisters and I watched some of them being taken out of school at the age of 15 to marry men in India who they had only met in photographs. When my sister Robina left at 15 she missed 9 months of her education and I knew I was next in line. However I did not know when until one day I came home from school aged 14 when my mother presented me with the photograph of a man, I was to learn I was promised into marriage at the age of 8.
It is extremely difficult to express the raft of emotions going through my head as I looked at this man in the picture who was older and shorter than me! Was I really expected to contemplate marriage? The answer was yes and I knew that I was not to breathe a word for fear of my family and shaming them, like many I was taught to be silent. My protests with my mother fell on deaf ears and led me to being taken out of education aged 15 and held a prisoner in my own home until I agreed to the marriage. In the end I gave in purely to plan my escape and I ran away from home in the hope that this would make my family see sense.
Shortly after leaving I was tracked down by the police and encouraged to telephone home. The call changed my life forever and I wish to now share the conversation with you. The conversation took place almost 30 years ago in a payphone and I remember every detail as if it happened yesterday. I was missing my family terribly, I had little experience of life as a young Asian girl we were not encouraged to be independent thinkers you were taught to make decisions only in relation to your family and never to dishonour them. Therefore our lives were controlled our movements monitored as the outside world was often perceived as a threat to our way of life, culture, tradition, religion and therefore we were prevented from integrating.
So I made the call home and begged my mother to let me come back. But I won’t marry that man as I am only 16. I cried out please mum I want to live my own live, I want to go to college but she shouted over me and this was her response;
‘Live your own life then, and good luck to you. In our eyes you’re dead!’ And with that she slammed the phone down. "
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A huge thanks to Jasvinder for taking part in this interview.
My hope is that through this post, we raise awareness of marriage and honour related abuse and anyone affected gains strength in reaching out for help.
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If you have been affected or want to get in touch with Karma Nirvana:
Please Ring: 0800 5999247
(Open 9am - 9pm Weekdays & 10am - 4pm Weekends)
or visit their website.
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Are you inspired and want to help or spread the word?
Are you aware of other organisations helping to raise awareness of honour related abuse?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Until the next time,
Namaste, from Ananya
xo
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